Your day begins when the alarm buzzes at 6 a.m. After a rushed breakfast and an hour-long commute, you check your voice messages and e-mail, then dash to an 8:30 a.m. conference call.
You work through lunch, sit through two afternoon meetings and leave the office at 6:15, carrying a bulging briefcase. The evening commute is a nightmare and you finally arrive home, exhausted, at 7:30 p.m. Just in time to start your second full-time job: being a parent.
Sound familiar? According to Child and Family Canada, an umbrella group for family and child-care resources, in 2002 both parents worked full-time in 62% of two-parent families. That\u2019s a far cry from the Leave it to Beave<\/i>r era, when Dad routinely went off to work while Mom stayed home to care for the house and kids.
\u201cThings have changed dramatically, even in the past five years,\u201d says Dr. Lucille Peszat, a psychotherapist with the Canadian Centre for Stress and Well-Being in Toronto. \u201cParents work longer, spend more time commuting and bring work home. And everyone is busier with extracurricular activities. Children often lead lives that are quite separate from their parents.\u201d
Although a commitment to your job may communicate positive values, it can also send negative messages.
\u201cIf you\u2019re focused elsewhere when you\u2019re at home, it sends the wrong signal,\u201d says Dr. Roni Liederman, associate dean of the Mailman Segal Institute for Early Childhood Studies at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. \u201cChildren need time and attention. And if you\u2019re distracted, you can\u2019t communicate meaningfully with them.\u201d
The issue is less the amount of time you spend together than how it\u2019s spent. A 1998 survey of 1,000 children in Grades 3 to 12 by the Sloan Work and Family Research Center at Boston College reported that more than 60% of children felt they spent enough time with their working parents. The study found, however, that the children wanted their parents to be less irritable and distracted when they were together.
\u201cThey wanted them to be focused; not stressed, zoning out or complaining about fatigue,\u201d says Nora Spinks, president of Toronto-based Work Life Harmony Enterprises.
The children in the survey focused on content, saying that \u201changing-around time\u201d was important to them. Such times needn\u2019t involve a lot of effort or expense. They can include taking a walk or playing board games together.
\u201cKeep it simple,\u201d advises Spinks, who recommends that parents limit evening activities to avoid overtaxing everyone. \u201cInstead of multi-tasking, try multi-purposing. Rather than taking the kids to swimming lessons, then racing home to do laundry, wash dishes and pay the bills, organize a group swim. That combines social and family time with exercise, which is good for everyone.\u201d
Here are some tips for working parents:
> Take a few minutes to centre yourself before you walk through the door after work. It helps to shed irritability following a bad workday and helps you to be more fully present.
> Put away the BlackBerry at home. When you\u2019re busy with the kids, ask callers to leave a message unless the call is urgent.
> Have family meals several times a week. \u201cWhen people eat together, it breaks down barriers and opens the lines of communication,\u201d says Peszat.
> Try cooking with your child-ren and let them plan menus. \u201cBreakfast for dinner\u201d is one popular option.
> If you can\u2019t attend your child\u2019s concert or sporting event, tell him or her the truth. \u201cChildren will understand if you\u2019re honest with them,\u201d says Spinks.
> Get organized and establish a routine so you don\u2019t scramble around looking for lunch bags and backpacks every morning.
> Help with your children\u2019s homework so you understand their challenges and triumphs.
> If you have more than one child, spend one-on-one time with each child to build individual relationships.
> Don\u2019t be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, work and community resources.
> Prioritize and then review your goals and priorities regularly to make sure your life reflects what really matters to you.
> Take care of yourself. Do yoga, walk, meditate \u2014 anything that relieves stress. Get enough sleep.
> Don\u2019t feel guilty. Guilt is a huge drain and leaves you unable to enjoy your children.
> Have a sense of humour and be playful. \u201cKids are lots of fun and they love to laugh,\u201d says Liederman. \u201cThey\u2019re here to remind us of what\u2019s really important in life.\u201d\tIE<\/b>
@page_break@
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Put away the BlackBerry, eat dinner together, limit evening activities and keep a sense of humour<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3013,3018],"tags":[],"yst_prominent_words":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329214"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=329214"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/329214\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=329214"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=329214"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=329214"},{"taxonomy":"yst_prominent_words","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.investmentexecutive.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/yst_prominent_words?post=329214"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}