Q: Mr. Rush, how could a man as widely respected as you in the financial services industry make such a childish mistake?

A: Very true, not like me to make a mistake. And, therefore, I have not done so.

Q: But right here in your press release you talk about robot advisors, surely you meant robo-advisors?

A: Ah, my friend, that is where you are wrong. Once again, I am ahead of the curve.

Q: Meaning?

A: Meaning that I have actually developed an advisor who is a genuine robot. My robot looks like a robot, but not a cutie-pie. It is short and squat and may even have a flashing light or two. And strong pincers for hands.

You won’t find yourself cuddling up to my robot or taking one on a canoe trip. They’re great at portaging, but can’t swim worth a damn.

You will have noticed that the robot industry is burgeoning. Want a dog? What better than a robot dog? No poop, no scoop. And cuddly to boot. And surely you have heard of the Japanese fascination with nubile robots?

Robots already work the desks of hotels – something I have long suspected. And surely the airline industry is run entirely by robots.

Q: OK, OK, robots are increasingly common. But where do robot financial advisors come in?

A: So, these days I can think of the many advantages of robots. One thing about a robot is personal service. If you consider a robot personal. Back in the days when I had money, I went out and found a financial advisor. And she set me in a meeting room and slathered me with advice in those heady days when Royal Bank stock was $9.79.

But these days, when more of us are hard up for money, it is thought that we may be happier with a questionnaire and a computer screen. No more coffee served in the good china in the boardroom.

Q: So, the robot advisor brings you coffee with their advice?

A: Well, no. The pincers don’t quite hold the teacup properly. But, for example, robots can carry the entire stock market in their brains. They can forecast trends. And they are demon salespeople.

Q: How so?

A: When my robot comes through your door to sell, that is what he is programmed to do. Indeed, he won’t leave without a sale. Or without acceptance of a portfolio he has designed with you in mind. Mine is a down-to-earth robot. He is programmed never to say, “Algorithm-based portfolio management.” I have set up my robot to dicker a bit – some give and take – but the goal is to sell. It’s hard to say no to a 400-pound, flashing, clanking robot.

Q: Aren’t you going a bit far?

A: I don’t like to admit it, but following the lead of Volkswagen, I have put out a recall on my robots, to install a compassion module so you can reason with them.

Q: Reason with a robot?

A: Of course. A robot is a supercomputer, and variables are meat and drink to it. Or, should I say, oil and electricity?

A robot can see your point even before you make it. And a robot can find a way to blunt it. But with the compassion module, my robots now are sensitive – for robots, that is. If you can prove poverty, it will leave you alone. After all, it works on commission.

Q: Would you say that covers the topic, Mr. Rush?

A: Indeed. And there will be a robot calling on you shortly. Have a chequebook or credit card handy. I’m not sure the compassion module is up to speed.

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