Q: Mr. Rush, I understand that you spent much of the summer browsing in your front field?
A: Indeed. I had read that wild greens were the healthiest greens and crammed with nutrition, so I nibbled my way through lamb’s quarters and purslane and dandelions, with the odd cattail thrown in.
Q: And how do you feel?
A: Seedy. In a good way. But I was glad when autumn came and I could move inside and eat kale and chard and quinoa.
Q: And did that become your diet?
A: Heavens, no. When I started looking through the papers, I made some marvellous finds. I found that chocolate is now good for me. And, also, fat.
Q: Are you sure about fat?
A: Well, I should probably double-check that. But I think that bacon fat is no longer the killer it once was.
Q: Can you prove that?
A: All I know is what I read in the papers. But I do know for sure that the human brain is about 60% fat. So, there must be some good to it.
Q: So, if I call you a “fathead”?
A: It’s the literal truth.
Q: What else have you discovered?
A: The hamburger is back, and big. Some are so full of patties that they have to be served with a scaffolding of french fries.
Q: You made up that “scaffolding” bit?
A: True. But I am serious about giant burgers.
Q: Have you had one?
A: No. Even my mouth isn’t that big. Besides, I’m waiting for chicken skin.
Q: Chicken skin?
A: Roasted chicken skin. Take a chicken, strip off the skin and roast the skin. Better, take two chickens.
Q: Are you making this up?
A: Never. I read it in the papers. The chicken-skin sandwich is on the horizon.
Q: And is it healthy?
A: Filling. Not so sure about healthy. But if you are looking for healthy, I have a couple of my recipes here because I wouldn’t want anyone to think I’m a food nut.
Q: Recipes?
A: Yep. And healthy. First, take a piece of steak, maybe 10 ounces. Chop it up a bit and toss it in a deep pot with olive oil. At medium heat. Wait a bit and then add a cup of barley and swirl it around. Before the barley burns, pour in a litre or so of beef broth. Next, add chopped carrots and mushrooms and onion and celery. Cover it up and let it simmer for an hour or so. Stir in some cream cheese, and there you are.
Q: You guarantee this recipe?
A: For me, yes. If you are a faint-hearted perfectionist, you might want to look up barley in your cookbook.
Q: You said you had recipes, plural?
A: Hey, I once worked in a kitchen. And I stand behind my baked bean recipe. At a good distance.
Q: Would that be a joke?
A: Near enough. Beans are simple. Take a couple of cups of those white beans and soak them overnight. Rinse them out and cook them up. Pour into an oven-worthy dish and then stir in molasses and brown sugar and mustard…
Q: Whoa. Aren’t you giving amounts?
A: Nope. Cooking is an art. Whatever feels right is right. Unless it’s wrong, of course. Add some garlic and chopped onion and chili sauce and crushed tomatoes.
Q: That it?
A: Nope. When it’s all stirred up in that oven pot, you want to lay on four or five strips of pork belly. If you are a wimp, you can render it a bit first. Then, you put a lid on your pot, set the oven on low and come back in six or seven hours to check.
Q: One last question. You say you have actually worked in a kitchen. A professional kitchen. True?
A: True.
Q: And what did you do there?
A: Washed dishes.
Q: And that has made you an authority?
A: No. What makes me an authority is that I am an eater. Here, have a piece of my chicken-skin sandwich.
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