Consider first that i am older than you. Therefore, I go back to a distant time when, on Sundays, a middle-class family sat down to roast beef with Yorkshire pudding and lashings of gravy followed by apple pie and ice cream.

On a weekday, one might eat bacon and eggs and fried bread and jam – plus coffee, thick with cream and sugar.

Ah, yesterday.

Now, when I stand in front of my refrigerator, I wonder if it contains any food that isn’t a ticking time bomb ready to blast me into eternity. Just about everything therein contains some menace, such as trans fats, ordinary fats, obscure chemicals and the most recent villain: sugar.

The World Health Organization has decided we are too deep into sugar and that this leads to a wide variety of ailments ranging from cavities to obesity and heart disease. Apparently, our recommended daily intake of sugar is six teaspoons. But I trust it surprises you to know that we seem to be taking in 26 teaspoons of the stuff every day. That’s because it hides in apples and berries and juices and even ketchup.

If you pay attention to diet and diet news and the many reports that crop up about health, you will know that sugar makes a regular appearance as a dining-room villain – much in the same way that salt does. Fats and trans fats take a regular beating and, of course, wheat is just about our worst enemy. Which has sent me off to the store to buy coconut flour and ground flaxseed in order to bake a healthy loaf.(Healthy it likely was, but the texture resembled foam pillow.)

So, if you are still with me, you will know the healthy eater avoids sugar and salt and fats and wheat. What comes next?

Meat. It has become increasingly hard to eat meat. It is not just that the recommended serving is the size of a deck of playing cards. Rather, it is the whole ethical question of when the only beef you can eat with a clear conscience must come from an animal that has died surrounded by family after a long life in a field of buttercups. Died of natural causes. (Although, I suppose, roadkill beef would be OK.)

As for veal, lamb, pork and chicken, you can also give them a miss on ethical grounds. So, what can we eat?

Root vegetables are right up there. A nice dish of roast parsnip. Celeriac, carrots and beets. Although you can no longer toss in a handful of potatoes because they read high on the glycemic index. (And you will be pleased to know that I no longer can remember what that is.)

Pumpkin is also good for you, even though few of us sit down at the table with a strong spoon and a slice of fresh pumpkin. And if you seek a healthy dish, you might chop up your pumpkin with lentils.

All of this brings us to the most healthy food of all – bran. Which contains the miracle ingredient, fibre. About bran, I have considerable expertise. Many years ago, a woman served us bran muffins, and I liked them so much that I got her recipe. It called for those now dangerous ingredients, flour and butter.

I made those muffins with careful attention to the recipe. And when they came out of the oven, I slathered a couple with butter and wolfed them down. Then, I ate a third at my leisure. And, several hours later, my freedom was over. The bran did what fibre does and I took myself to the bathroom.

But I never learned.

I read that a handful of good, ordinary, raw bran is full of good things. So, one night before a party, I scooped up a handful of raw bran. I liked it. Thus, I ate two more handfuls. For, if one is good, three is great.

I went to the party and had a beer – and the bran began to expand. My stomach grew taut. I thought I was going to blow up.

And now, you must excuse me while I look in the fridge. More in hope than expectation.

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