My friend, Norbert, greeted me at the door of his new townhouse and showed me a small card he held in his hand. I read it aloud: “Don’t mention the word ‘drive’.”
Norbert put a hand to his forehead. “That’s why,” he said, pointing at his garage.
As we watched, the garage door slid up and his expensive new car casually backed out. Driverless. It stopped, opened the driver-side door and, after a brief pause, the front passenger door also opened. “This is my new smartcar,” Norbert said. “It anticipates my wishes, responds to keywords. Now, we have to go for a short drive or it will just sit there in the driveway and sulk.”
So, off we went. Far-fetched? Not at all. You probably have noticed that driverless cars have made some impressive journeys. Indeed, they now are on the road in Nevada – but with a co-pilot, in case they go off their mental rails. Driverless cars are just some of the many smart machines that are eager to do our chores. And some of our thinking as well.
Consider one of my favourites: the flying alarm clock. I came across it about five years ago. You set the clock on its charger by your bed, set the time you want to wake up and that is that. At the appointed hour, the clock beeps and you shut it off. But if you are slow to react, the clock, beeping all the while, takes off and flies around the room. To shut it off, you have to get out of bed and track it down. A brilliant idea, but I haven’t heard much about it recently.
More successful, I do believe, is the robot vacuum cleaner. You put it in a room, turn it on and shut the door. Then, all on its own, it does a complete vacuuming. Excellent.
Sadly, we don’t have one of those. Instead we have an expensive and wounded push-it-yourself vacuum. Wounded because, in a fit of rage, the dog fell upon it and bit off a chunk of plastic housing. Then, he chewed through the unplugged cord. All of which made me think that perhaps it was time to get one of those robot dogs that sleep at your feet, fetch your slippers and never piddle on the rug.
All these robotic and smart applications are part of the new world enfolding us. Machines that, on their own, perk your coffee, toast your toast, brush your teeth, start your car and record TV highlights.
Although I am mildly surprised people still buy TV sets. Why are they needed? Every time I try to call someone on my new cellphone, it brings me a TV show. Or a choice of TV shows. Or perhaps movies. Sometimes I wonder if it is a cellphone or some complicated device infinitely smarter than me.
I know it is not a book reader because I got one of those for Christmas; although I first took it for a small mirror with a fogged glass. When I peered into it to see my face, my 10-year-old granddaughter took it from my palsied hand and turned it on. Up came Agatha Christie and Sherlock Holmes. I was halfway through The Mysterious Affair of the Cyclist when the machine announced it needed a shot of juice and slid into sleep mode. And there it rests until the 13-year-old girl at my library can set me straight.
I would not like you to think that I am utterly clueless about modern technology, for I have done some inventing myself.
When I was a teenager, we had a gas-powered lawn mower that drove itself. All you had to do was steer. We had a big lawn; and realizing that the mower on its own could save me a lot of work, I had an idea. I drove a thick stake into the centre of the lawn, tied a rope to it and tied the other end to the mower. The plan was that the mower would go around in ever-decreasing circles while I sat in the shade. I started the motor, taped down the throttle on full and stepped back.
Off went the lawn mower. For perhaps five seconds, it cut a thick swath. Then, it hit a bump and deviated. Another bump, another deviation. At which point, it chomped through its tether and set off in pursuit of the hose. Luckily, it choked on its own rope.
“Needs more work,” I thought.
I’m still thinking.IE
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