Q: Mr. Rush, why is a man your age wearing those ultra-low-rise jeans? Is it some kind of fashion statement?

A: It’s not only a fashion statement, sonny, it’s a political statement — a sign that older folks are taking back power.

Q: And the jeans show that how?

A: Obvious. I’m letting jeans ride low on my hips and showing my navel to the world. Just like any 12-year-old.

Q: Actually, given the long-established conformation of your stomach, your navel points down; and, anyway, it’s obscured by what I hope is hair. So?

A: When you get to be my age, kiddo, you are happy to have hair anywhere. The point to this getup is that every year Canada has more and more seniors, and pretty soon we’ll outnumber the kids. Then, we’ll flex our muscles and people will cater to us.

Q: For example?

A: Fast-food burger joints are always looking for a gimmick to attract customers, and when they realize there are more seniors than children out there, you’re gonna see some menu changes. Start watching for the blender burger — the hamburger for sore gums.

And no more toys from popular movies. Instead, they’ll have blood-pressure cuffs and corn plasters.

Q: What else?

A: You just watch how advertising changes when they see the economic clout we have. Oh, you’ll still see ads for sparkling white teeth, but now they’ll be in a glass on the night table. And those shampoo ads? Well, in a year or two, they’ll concentrate on the grey and white, with maybe some polish for us bald guys. Next, there will be far fewer movies and TV shows that have nymphets cavorting on the beach. (Although I’ve been known to watch a cavort or two.) Expect some exciting whist or euchre and lawn bowling. And curling will replace Hockey Night in Canada.

As for those high-speed chases that make up many movies, you’ll be surprised what producers can do with wheelchairs and walkers.

Q: More?

A: Oh, look for big, big changes. More slip-on shoes and fewer that you have to lace because who can reach down that far? Softer music — maybe the return of Guy Lombardo.

Q: Guy Lombardo?

A: Slow music with lyrics you can actually hear. Sort of a Bing Crosby sound.

Q: Bing Crosby?

A: All before your time, my good chap. But soon you’ll know. Just stay tuned.

Q: What about cars?

A: Sure. Cars are a good example. Right now carmakers are big on vans for families and small cars that go like rockets. We seniors don’t give a damn about vans or rockets; we need something big and solid with lots of protection.

Q: Protection?

A: Yep. Protection. Some of us old guys tend to bump into things such as telephone polls too close to the road or cows that stray near the edge of the pasture. We don’t want things like that to stop us, so we’ll need heavy cars that bounce off. Gas guzzlers.

Q: But what about pollution? What about diminishing oil reserves?

A: We’re leaving those problems for you, sonny; we won’t be around when the lights go out. That’s one of the joys of growing old. You grow out of your problems.

Now, hand me my walking stick. I’m off to change into something more comfortable. Track pants with braces and a plaid shirt should do it.

Q: I hope you don’t think that’s fashionable!

A: Maybe not today. But give it a year or two and it will be the rage. Now, I’ll be off.

Q: I think you already are. IE