As a result of the trust built over time between financial advisors and their clients, it’s not unusual for advisors to find themselves being asked for advice that extends beyond their investment, insurance or financial planning expertise.

Nowhere is this more common than in the area of family relationships, including family breakdowns. The challenge for most advisors, however, is that the counsel needed at this very critical life moment is multi-faceted — emotional, legal, children-focused and, of course, financial.

We are experts in the last area, but how to help in the others? To be sure, financial advisors should not attempt to supplant professionals trained in the other disciplines. However, to ignore these issues or leave the client to his or her own devices may not be the responsible thing to do, either.

The Joy of (an) Ex: The Divorce Process … Preserving Your Family’s Dignity, Privacy and Financial Resources provides sound guidance for advisors and their clients through the difficult circumstances surrounding divorce. Compiled by veteran advisor Jackie Ramler, a certified financial planner, divorce financial specialist, family mediator and CEO of Divorce Choices Inc. of Barrie, Ont., this book is a compendium of insights and information on the subject. Although it is not intended to replace professional counsel, it can serve as a starting point.

The book has 52 contributors from the legal, accounting, family therapy, social work, mediation and financial communities. Each contribution is a mini-essay that runs no more than two or three pages and is designed to highlight key aspects of the subject.

Each article is coded according to its subject matter — children, finances, law, emotions or the catch-all “other” category. Each contributor’s contact information is provided, along with numerous references to additional resources.
@page_break@Two things about the book particularly appealed to me. The first is the bias that Ramler admits to having for a mediation and collaborative approach to divorce issues — not surprising, given that she is a qualified trainer in the field of collaborative team practice.

What does that mean? A mediation practitioner takes an impartial stance between two parties, while a collaborative practitioner advocates for his or her client’s interests. Both assume that most people want to and are capable of settling conflicts on their own rather than having a judge decide their lives for them. Both practitioners teach clients to listen effectively, pose questions in a non-defensive manner, avoid blame and manage their emotions.

The second feature of the book I like is its presumption that the first efforts should be to save the marriage rather than to determine the most effective way to end it. The opening section on communication, for example, states: “There is no expectation that two people in a marriage-like relationship will always be able to communicate positively, without conflict or discomfort. A commitment to understand this reality and to actively guard against selfish interests eroding the essence of the relationship is the strongest shield protecting their bond.”

On the assumption, however, that the relationship is beyond the ability of the parties to repair, the book then provides a broadly based guide for considering and integrating all aspects of marriage dissolution, from understanding the emotional stages of divorce through the associated family and property settlement laws to spousal and child support, including a “parenting plan” for use during and after the process.

It is this integration aspect that largely prompted Ramler to compile the book. As she states in her introduction, her objective was to help divorcing families recognize that this is not a one-dimensional process and that by bringing a team of people to bear on the situation in a collaborative manner, the formal legal and courtroom process can be avoided, resulting in a better chance of preserving the family’s privacy, dignity and financial resources. (Hence, the book’s subtitle.)

Other than the fact that the book would have benefited from an index for easier topic reference and a resources page or two to consolidate all the available information sources, I found this book to be an informative, well-constructed treatment of an important topic frequently encountered by financial advisors who have built deep client relationships. As such, it would be a valuable addition to any advisor’s library. IE