The holidays should be a time for enjoying the company of family and friends. But for many people, it is the most hair-pulling, stressful time of the year.

Many Canadians experience holiday stress, says Katy Kamkar, clinical psychologist with the work, stress and health program at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto. “People put pressure on themselves to have everything perfect during the holidays,” she says.

Signs that you are experiencing holiday stress could include increased irritability, difficulty concentrating at work and a sudden onset of sadness and fatigue during the holiday season.

Behind these symptoms — and the pressure we put on ourselves to have the “perfect” holiday — may be an underlying desire to recreate the holiday joy we felt as children, says Christine Purdon, associate professor and executive director with the Centre for Mental Health Research at the University of Waterloo.

“We often remember [childhood] holidays as a wonderful time,” says Purdon, who adds that adults took care of the stressful planning needed to create those occasions. “We want to recapture the magic we had as children — but as adults.”

Holiday stress can also come from knowing you will have to endure some awkward social situations that are beyond your control.

“Certain family gatherings can create some stress,” Kamkar says, “in particular, when you have experienced some relationship strains or have not seen some family members for a long period of time.”

Other stress can come from holiday travel and all the associated complications, such as flight delays, poor weather conditions, the costs of travelling and the stress of making a few trips in a short time, Kamkar says: “There are many things to think about and problems to solve at once.”

The good news is that there are ways to reduce holiday stress and make the time more enjoyable.

> Revisit Your Expectations. Remind yourself that your family doesn’t need to mimic a Norman Rockwell painting in order to have an enjoyable holiday gathering, says Mary Ann Baynton, program director with Winnipeg-based Great-West Life Assurance Co. ’s Centre for Mental Health in the Workplace.

“We tend to think that other families have it all together,” she says, “that they do their baking, their house is spotless and they have enough money to buy the perfect gift for everyone. But, in reality, that isn’t true.”

If you find yourself caught up in that perfect-holiday fantasy, Purdon suggests, write down the holiday scene you imagine. Include what you will prepare for dinner and how you would like the people sitting around the table to act.

“Check that against what’s more likely to happen with this particular cast of characters,” she says, then mentally prepare for that reality instead.

Often, when people fantasize about the holidays, they forget that their relatives’ personalities do not take a vacation, says Purdon: “While we think people will change for this one special time of year, they don’t. It’s important to accept and expect that people are going to be people and to just roll with what happens.”

> Make A Budget. Debt and finances are two of the biggest stressors people of all income levels deal with year-round, Kamkar says. The holidays can aggravate those anxieties, she adds: “Last year, the holidays were very difficult for many people because of the economy.”

Making a budget — and sticking to it — can alleviate fears you’ll spend more than you can afford.

> Make A To-Do List. With the calendar year coming to a close, you might feel overwhelmed by the number of projects you have to wrap up at work in addition to all the preparations at home for family gatherings.

Writing down everything you have to get done at work and at home can decrease feelings of stress, says Baynton.

“Once you have it down on paper, some tasks might seem less urgent than you initially thought, which reduces stress,” she says. “This can also help you meet the expectations of your clients more successfully.”

> Delegate. Trying to do everything yourself — and “perfectly” — increases stress, Kamkar says. Hand over some of the holiday chores to alleviate some of that pressure.

“You don’t need to be the only person,” she says, “who prepares all the meals, all the decorations and all the gifts.”

@page_break@If you want to be more focused on entertaining your guests, consider having some of your holiday events catered, Purdon suggests: “I suggest to people that you pick a couple of things that are important to you, and be flexible about everything else.” IE