Your day begins when the alarm buzzes at 6 a.m. After a rushed breakfast and an hour-long commute, you check your voice messages and e-mail, then dash to an 8:30 a.m. conference call.

You work through lunch, sit through two afternoon meetings and leave the office at 6:15, carrying a bulging briefcase. The evening commute is a nightmare and you finally arrive home, exhausted, at 7:30 p.m. Just in time to start your second full-time job: being a parent.

Sound familiar? According to Child and Family Canada, an umbrella group for family and child-care resources, in 2002 both parents worked full-time in 62% of two-parent families. That’s a far cry from the Leave it to Beaver era, when Dad routinely went off to work while Mom stayed home to care for the house and kids.

“Things have changed dramatically, even in the past five years,” says Dr. Lucille Peszat, a psychotherapist with the Canadian Centre for Stress and Well-Being in Toronto. “Parents work longer, spend more time commuting and bring work home. And everyone is busier with extracurricular activities. Children often lead lives that are quite separate from their parents.”

Although a commitment to your job may communicate positive values, it can also send negative messages.

“If you’re focused elsewhere when you’re at home, it sends the wrong signal,” says Dr. Roni Liederman, associate dean of the Mailman Segal Institute for Early Childhood Studies at Nova Southeastern University in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla. “Children need time and attention. And if you’re distracted, you can’t communicate meaningfully with them.”

The issue is less the amount of time you spend together than how it’s spent. A 1998 survey of 1,000 children in Grades 3 to 12 by the Sloan Work and Family Research Center at Boston College reported that more than 60% of children felt they spent enough time with their working parents. The study found, however, that the children wanted their parents to be less irritable and distracted when they were together.

“They wanted them to be focused; not stressed, zoning out or complaining about fatigue,” says Nora Spinks, president of Toronto-based Work Life Harmony Enterprises.

The children in the survey focused on content, saying that “hanging-around time” was important to them. Such times needn’t involve a lot of effort or expense. They can include taking a walk or playing board games together.

“Keep it simple,” advises Spinks, who recommends that parents limit evening activities to avoid overtaxing everyone. “Instead of multi-tasking, try multi-purposing. Rather than taking the kids to swimming lessons, then racing home to do laundry, wash dishes and pay the bills, organize a group swim. That combines social and family time with exercise, which is good for everyone.”

Here are some tips for working parents:

> Take a few minutes to centre yourself before you walk through the door after work. It helps to shed irritability following a bad workday and helps you to be more fully present.

> Put away the BlackBerry at home. When you’re busy with the kids, ask callers to leave a message unless the call is urgent.

> Have family meals several times a week. “When people eat together, it breaks down barriers and opens the lines of communication,” says Peszat.

> Try cooking with your child-ren and let them plan menus. “Breakfast for dinner” is one popular option.

> If you can’t attend your child’s concert or sporting event, tell him or her the truth. “Children will understand if you’re honest with them,” says Spinks.

> Get organized and establish a routine so you don’t scramble around looking for lunch bags and backpacks every morning.

> Help with your children’s homework so you understand their challenges and triumphs.

> If you have more than one child, spend one-on-one time with each child to build individual relationships.

> Don’t be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, work and community resources.

> Prioritize and then review your goals and priorities regularly to make sure your life reflects what really matters to you.

> Take care of yourself. Do yoga, walk, meditate — anything that relieves stress. Get enough sleep.

> Don’t feel guilty. Guilt is a huge drain and leaves you unable to enjoy your children.

> Have a sense of humour and be playful. “Kids are lots of fun and they love to laugh,” says Liederman. “They’re here to remind us of what’s really important in life.” IE

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