“I really feel as human beings, we need more training in our basic social skills,” says Jerry Seinfeld in the monologue that introduces the Seinfeld episode that first aired on April 28, 1994. “And handshakes is the worst. There’s absolutely no guidelines for handshakes.”

Seinfeld goes on to list the various handshake faux pas he has observed — with his usual comic flair.

Actually, Jerry, there are guidelines for handshakes. What follows are the gaffes Seinfeld mentions in his monologue, followed by the accepted advice on how to correct them:

1. “Too long.” Pump your hand two or three times, holding on for three or four seconds. Any longer could make the other person feel uncomfortable. “Sometimes, people will dispute your release,” Seinfeld says. “You let go, they’re hanging on.”

2. “Too weak.” A business handshake should be firm — but not crushing. Your grasp should be no more forceful than the grip you would use when turning a door handle.

3. “Sometimes they give you the three-quarter handshake — just the fingers.” Try to interlock with the other person’s hand so the webbing between your thumb and forefinger meshes with that of the other person.

4. “Early release.” See #1.

5. “Late release.” “I have actually said to people, ‘Hey! The handshake is over!'”

6. “Too many pumps.” See #1 and #5.

7. “Coming in too high.” Maybe this is not a common handshake-etiquette breach. Just remember not to come in too high.

8. “Too sweaty.” Seriously, if you have sweaty palms, discreetly wipe your hand on a handkerchief before entering the room, or even across your pants pocket just before the shake.

9. “Coming from too far away.” Don’t exaggerate the greeting by extending your hand while you are still across the room. Wait until you are within arm’s length of the other person.

10. “Sometimes a guy will give you a strong grip, late release, and pull you in for the too-close conversation. To him, I say ‘That’s three strikes. You’re out’.” See #1 through #9.