Finding the confidence to ask for referrals starts with the right mental attitude and the right words.

Many advisors don’t ask for referrals because they don’t have the right mindset, says Matt Anderson, founder of the Referral Authority in Chicago. If you truly believe that you help people in your work, then asking for a referral will feel like a logical step instead of an imposition.

Once you are ready to ask a client for a referral, then it’s only a matter of finding the right words. Follow these tips to help loosen your tongue:

> Create a smooth transition
Before asking for a referral, you first need to steer the conversation in the right direction.

Many advisors aren’t sure about how to properly shift the conversation toward asking for a referral, Anderson says. You should use phrases or words that are disarming and that will demonstrate your sincerity.

For example, Anderson suggests: “It would be silly of me not to ask about…”; or, “The last time we talked you mentioned your business partner…”

> Choose a strategy
There are two approaches to choose from when asking a client for a referral, Anderson says.

There is a “direct ask,” he says, where you specifically request to meet with a possible referral for lunch with the client.

The other form of asking is called the “advice-seeking ask” or the “ask-the-expert approach.” During this conversation, you ask the client how he or she feels would be the best way to approach a referral.

> Don’t be “salesy”
To successfully ask for a referral you need to see beyond potential commissions and fees.

Avoid a “salesy sounding” request, Anderson says. A “sales ask” is one in which you emphasize how great this contact would be for you and your business — to the point that the client thinks you have “dollar signs in your eyes.”

Instead, make the “ask” about how you can help the referral, says Anderson. Tell your client about why you started working as a financial advisor, or give an example of a time you helped another client similar to the possible referral.

> Wait for the right time
Look for the best opportunity to bring up the topic of referrals with a client.

Generally, Anderson says, a good time to ask for a referral is when a client tells you how you have helped them solve a specific problem or reach a certain goal. That moment provides an excellent segue into discussing other people the client knows whom you might be able to help.

For example, if a client says you helped make up for a poor employee insurance or pension plan, he says, you could offer to help any of the client’s colleagues who might be in a similar situation.

> Make clients comfortable
When you do ask for a referral, make sure the client is comfortable in approaching someone on your behalf.

There are only three real ways to be introduced, says Anderson: a face-to-face introduction; a phone call; or an email. You have to ask your client how he or she would feel most comfortable reaching out to the referral.

As well, you want to talk a little bit with the client about how they will talk to the referral about you, he says, and broach the idea of an introduction.