As Toronto struggled through another municipal election – the vision-thing overshadowed, once again, by the insult-thing – other options came to mind.

Instead of pretending that Toronto, which is now larger than five provinces, is a functional jurisdiction, let’s man (and woman) up and face facts: Toronto has become too big, too complex and too unwieldy to be run as a city. It’s really much more like a small country. And, like most countries, Toronto is run by the branches of government with the deepest pockets – in this case, the province and the federal government.

What matters the most in Toronto? Transit? Highways? Hospitals? Airports? Schools? Building codes? Courts? Major overhauls, such as the facilities for the Pan Am Games? All run by the brass at Queen’s Park and Parliament Hill.

About the only crucial areas that are close to being city-run services are the police and emergency responders – and they are ultimately overseen by provincial appointees and legislation.

Sure, the Canadian constitutional system ensures that the heavy lifting in cities is done by the provinces and Ottawa, with parking and permits for street parties firmly within the purview of city hall.

But that hardly justifies the outrageously low level that prevails at city hall. While prior administrations have been marked by scandal, apathy and school-yard behaviour, the Ford brothers, Rob and Doug, have accomplished at least one thing: putting Toronto on the map, if only as an object of ridicule and a byword for backward.

That’s why the performance of some city hall divisions has improved without a functioning mayor, following city council’s extraordinary 2013 decision to strip Rob Ford of his mayoral powers. Important departments, from planning to parks, are quietly thriving, relatively free to make decisions based on the professional expertise of their staff, rather than being undercut at every turn by the antics of city council.

So, instead of torturing residents with the sham of a functioning mayor’s office, why not make it official? Let’s junk the mayor and get a king! (Or queen, of course.)

Keep that gigantic gold chain the mayor gets to wear; keep the baby-kissing and baseball-throwing; keep the pointless media scrums outside council chamber.

Like royalty in most developed nations, the mayor could have tea with VIPs, cut ribbons and deliver holiday messages. Our new monarch would get an allowance from Mom and Dad at Queen’s Park, and if too much gets spent on candy, too bad!

The province and the feds could continue to do the hard work of governing, but without the need to consult with city council, as they do now. And the fourth-largest city in North America could start fast- tracking the upgraded transit, schools, roads and public spaces it needs.

© 2014 Investment Executive. All rights reserved.