On Aug. 30, 1995, Ned Levitt started his day like any other. But when he returned from work, he was told the worst news of his life: his 18-year-old daughter, Stacey, had been killed by a car while jogging.

“At first, I couldn’t rationalize what had happened and I had no idea what was going to happen,” says Levitt, a Toronto lawyer and the author of No Mountain Too High: A father’s inspiring journey through grief (ECW Press; $24.95).

Getting through grief takes time and support. Levitt decided to do what he knew best: he studied. “As a lawyer, studying was my comfort zone. And I read everything I could on parental bereavement,” he says. “I realized that in North America we seem to live in a death-denying culture. With that comes a complexity of problems with which people who are grieving have to deal.”

While there is no set timeline on how long it takes for someone to grieve, there are various stages or cycles through which most people eventually move. The Calgary Health Region’s grief support program identifies three cycles of grief: avoidance, confrontation and integration.

Says Bob Glasgow, co-ordinator of the CHR grief support program: “We see people move through these cycles and we help them to deal with the emotions and healing that each one has. These cycles are applied to many different types of grieving.”

“People can experience shock and denial at first about the death,” says Sandy Lipkus, director and founder of www.ShareGrief.com, a Montreal-based online forum that offers support and education to bereaved individuals. “Then, they will go through a period of emotions and feelings about the death and then eventually will reach an acceptance point.”

Levitt found a support group that helped him deal with Stacey’s death. He completed a 12-week program for parents who had lost a child at the Bereaved Families of Ontario in Mississauga, Ont. He then trained to become a facilitator of support groups for other bereaved parents.

Levitt has become one of 20 online grief specialists for ShareGrief.com; he responds to requests from all over the world.

Says Lipkus: “It fills a niche for those who can’t do face-to-face counselling but still want help.”

Why would people turn to the Web for grief counselling? People living abroad where they don’t have access to live service in English use the site, according to Lipkus, as well as teens who prefer to chat via e-mail and those who live in rural areas and have limited resources.

In addition to running the Web site, Lipkus works with Montreal-based Hope and Cope, a support group for cancer patients and their families. She also has launched a support group specifically for men. “Men and women tend to grieve differently,” she says. “So, this group is focused on how men work through things.”

The CHR also runs a grief support program that isolates groups based on type of loss and age groups. “We believe the more homogeneous factors in the group, the more healing can occur,” says Glasgow.

The program provides groups for younger spousal loss, as well as mature spousal loss, loss of child, loss of spouse, loss due to homicide and loss due to suicide.

Levitt found his grieving process took 11 years, but emphasizes that everyone has his or her own pace. He returned to work — running a boutique law firm — one week after Stacey’s death. He instantly found himself struggling with productivity and the work environment. Eventually, these problems took a financial toll. “I can only describe what happened to me at work as a horror show,” he says.

It is important to create a culture of empathy in the workplace, Levitt says. Education, support and the setting of reasonable expectations can be rewarding for both the bereaved and his or her colleagues.

“The benefits of creating a culture of empathy within a company are astounding,” says Levitt. “Absenteeism decreases, productivity increases and employee retention soars.”

CHR provides a workplace education program on grieving that outlines what is reasonable to expect from employees who have experienced the death of a loved one. “We encourage employers to understand the dynamics of grief and how to be understanding when the employee returns,” Glasgow says.

While Levitt and his wife have moved through the grieving process, they naturally treasure their daughter’s memory. They have published a book of Stacey’s poetry and Levitt completed his daughter’s dream of climbing Mount Ixta in Mexico.

@page_break@“I’ll never be the same again,” he says. “But it is part of my mission to bring a better understanding of bereavement and loss to others.” IE