A social event with a roomful of new faces might seem like the ideal situation for meeting prospects, but talking about your business too soon in the conversation can backfire.

Guests at weddings and other social gatherings are there to have a good time, not to ward off sales pitches. Your objective should be to meet people, find out what they are interested in and to explore what you have in common.

“If you hope to find contacts among the guests, the best thing to do is get to know them as people,” says Shelle Rose Charvet, president of Success Strategies, a Burlington, Ont.-based consultancy, and author of Words That Change Minds (Kendall/Hunt, $24.97). “Most people need three encounters before they can trust you. Find out about their interests and remember that you are not trying to close a sale.”

After the initial “hello,” start your chat with the purpose of the gathering and how the new acquaintance is involved. At a wedding, you can ask questions such as: “Who do you know; how are you related?” If it’s a fundraiser, ask how long the person has been involved with the organization.

It’s not taboo to ask people what they do for a living. “At some point, the person will ask what you do,” Rose Charvet says. “Then you can say, ‘I work for Firm ABC. I’m a financial advisor.’ You say what your title is, and leave it there.

“Forget the elevator speech — ‘I help people reach their financial goals’,” she adds. “That is for people trying to sell something.”

Rose Charvet offers the following advice to help you improve your conversational skills:

> Pay Attention To Keywords. If the person mentions their family in every sentence, family is important to them. Pick up on it, and talk about family.

> Offer Help. Listen carefully to see if there is something with which you can help the person. For example, if their child needs assistance in developing a certain hockey skill and you know someone who can help the child, arrange to put those people in touch.

> Ask For Help. If there is something with which the person can help you, you have a reason to call them. When you do, ask how they are and ask for the information — and nothing else. Stick to the reason you called.

> Move On when the conversation comes to a natural close, or if there’s a break.

“This is not an aggressive culture,” Rose Charvet says. “Coming on that way is offensive to most people.” IE