Making a case in a negotiation can be difficult, even for the most assertive among us. That’s partly because we often gird ourselves for a conflict or expect resistance when entering a negotiation, says Fotini Iconomopoulos, a negotiation consultant in Toronto.
To establish the right tone, Iconomopoulos says, you need to abandon the mindset of conflict, and accept that a negotiation is just two parties agreeing to a set of terms.
Negotiating is an important part of life, whether you are establishing your child’s bed time or agreeing to a fee structure with your client. By using a few techniques, you can be more comfortable — and successful — the next time you find yourself in a negotiation.
“You’re building a relationship during the negotiation,” says Evan Thompson, business coach and founder of Evan Thompson and Associates in Toronto. “Put yourself in the position of the people on the other side of the table, [and] don’t make it so much about yourself.”
Here are a few tips to help you hammer out a mutually beneficial deal in any situation:
> Embrace the gaps
There’s an upside to those awkward silences. We often feel compelled to fill them, says Fotini, but an inability to let silence do its work could actually cost you the deal. Some people end up talking themselves out of their offer by talking through a silence.
Make your pitch or counter-offer, and then give the other person time to mull it over before settling on a compromise. Let the other party feel the need to talk, Fotini says, which can lead to concessions and reveal important information.
> Prepare questions
Come prepared with a rough outline of your talking points, along with at least five questions to ask before the negotiations begin, Thompson says. “They’ll respect you if you have questions of them, so it becomes a two-way conversation,” he says.
Questions demonstrate a willingness to learn more about the other person and to find a common solution. They position you as someone not driven entirely by self interest.
Avoid rattling off your rehearsed elevator pitch on why you’re the right person to work with, Thompson adds. Instead, lead with questions about how you can help the prospect and what their priorities are.
> Temper your emotions
Stay focused on the issues that could potentially hobble the negotiations. This means doing your research ahead of time, so you can let the relevant facts, rather than emotions, shape the discussion.
“Advisors who keep their eye on the issues vs the emotions tend to lead the conversation more effectively,” Thompson says.
> Refocus the conversation
If the talks hit an impasse, resist the urge to push for a solution, Thompson says. Instead, reorient the conversation back to each side’s motivations.
The worst thing you can do is to “try to shove the proposal down” and make justifications to bend the person’s will, Fotini says.
Taking a step back gives both parties the breathing room needed to reach an agreement that is satisfactory to everyone involved.
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